Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
