I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize