bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
