Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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