ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
