he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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