Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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