So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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