He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
