Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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