I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
