it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
