I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
