This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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