u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
