My room smells like vodka and shame
I will die if light touches me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
