I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
