my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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