I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
