STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
