Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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