She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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