To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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