I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
