just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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