matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
