I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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