thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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