Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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