Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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