2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
