In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
