I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
