Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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