I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
