I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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