There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
