I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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