O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i now understand why vodka
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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