you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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