Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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