And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
