I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I came so hard my ears popped.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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