We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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