There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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