i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
