What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
