On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
