We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dignity is for republicans.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
