matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
