i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
