he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
