Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
