I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
