My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
