You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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