If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
