I've blown a few things in my day
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
