Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
