'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
