i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
