I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
