I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
