is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
