things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
