4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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