2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ketchup is God's man juice
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
