In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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