i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
