Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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