dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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