If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
