I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
