all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
