Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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