In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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